watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
