if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I believe in your delicious
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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