i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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