I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Congratulations! We have a period
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