just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
