I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
