How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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