the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
