You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
