ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize