ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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