If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
