Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
