Your face is a jimmy john
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
