from now on my penis is your penis
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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