So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
