Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
