that's an acceptable place to lick
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
