why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
it was like having sex with a tree stump
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
