The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
