I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
