when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
ugly people sure do ruin things
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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