awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
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