My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
