I wish my penis had an off switch
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
