I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
