Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
