Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize