I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
