He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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