sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
