I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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