just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
