Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
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