We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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