I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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