I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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