I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
