I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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