creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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