Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
