She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
