today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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