Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
