I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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