Whoa Z and x make the same sound
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
