Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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