3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
