Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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