ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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