Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize