You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
