I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
