She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize