so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
