i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
