3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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