I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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