Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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