Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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