Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
