take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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