"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
