You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
