i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
