omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize