38 yer olds are good kisserssss
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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