What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
