Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
