despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
