I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
