I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize