Yo dont text me then not text me
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
