Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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