Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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