I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
