Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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