I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize