Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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