what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
