fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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