i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
