i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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