I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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