Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
