so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
So squirting runs in the family.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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