hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize
