So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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