So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
