Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
